So, you know the Prime Minister’s real full name right?
Alexander Boris dePfeffel Johnson
Yep, I know, who calls their kid dePfeffel, right?
Not Normal People
That’s who.
Remember that.
So, what is his favourite word to use when he’s giving bad news?
Yep, Alas.
‘Alas, the virus is spreading’
‘Alas, there have been many deaths’
‘Alas, it’s all somebody else’s fault’
That sort of thing
I can’t remember anyone else
using the word as much
in modern times
but it is in the dictionary
Very close in fact
to ‘alarm’
‘alimentary canal’
but it’s largely an antique,
and a responsibility avoiding word
It’s like ‘sadly’ but,
he imagines,
more sophisticated
and (upper) classy
So, what we do right,
because he’s a knob
all ruffled hair and
incomprehensible blathering
with wandering but
completely lost metaphors
is we give him a name that’s not
the friendly chummy ‘Boris’
encouraging you to think
he’s someone that’s a bit of a laugh
over a pint in the pub
and you’ll notice I try hard
not to use at all
but the more technically accurate
and short for Alexander
(and he is short)

Al Ass
The PM

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