I hope this email finds you well.
It has come to our attention that you are personally responsible for the promotion of excessive consumption of much of our fellow species members. As we have recently become enabled to communicate our feelings to you via this new method, we are writing to ask you to cease and desist promoting this extravagant consumption.
Whilst we understand that you require fortification from time to time, most often when your sweetheart is under threat from the big bully Bluto approximately 1 minute and 27 seconds into each episode of your programme, we do wonder if perhaps a more inclusive method of settling your differences with said person may be more effective than popping another can of our brethren and proceeding to beat him into various shapes with your new-found strength.
We would like to suggest that yourself, Olive and Bluto sign up for our new classes ‘Anger Management: Speech not Spinach’ at your earliest convenience, where we explore strategies you might use for settling your differences with people other than eating a can of spinach, ripping up a house and dropping it on their head.
While we are keen to be seen as a co-operative member of the planet’s innumerable life forms, we do feel that your aggressive promotion of the strength-giving properties of eating large quantities of our membership may have had its time, particularly as since your practise was first popular we have seen the emergence of many alternative superfoods.
One distinct possibility in this regard is Kale.
Have you considered Kale? Kale is good, better than spinach in many ways. It is similarly green and is plentifully grown. In fact, many farmers grow Kale rather than Spinach these days, so go on, give Kale a boost. We don’t mind if you drop houses on Bluto’s head after eating a can of Kale.
Thank you for your time,
Steve Spinach, Spokesman for Spinach
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